If you have looked at previous posts regarding my birth stories you will know that my daughter was born via emergency c-section after numerous hours of labour (long story short ~ me not asking enough questions and just being a passenger and believer in the doctor on call led to a few interventions which led to Marley's heart rate playing ping pong which led to emergency c-section ~ in sum, impatient doctor and non-educated/informed mom brought on the c-section which was not what I had hoped for and wanted).
What is done is done and I am appreciative for my dear Marley who is already 3 years old. Since experiencing that I have dived deep into natural birth, VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean), midwifery, and all the goodies that come along with natural birth and preventing "unne-caesarean" for both mama and baby. I will also state right now that we are extremely lucky and blessed to have the ability to bring a baby into this world safely when due to
true medical reasons baby can not be born vaginally. I know deep down in my heart that my first experience would have been completely different if I would have gone with a midwife (or at least a professional) that has the same values as I do.
I admit I was naive and had no reason to not "trust" in my doctor and I do take responsibility for not asking the right questions and educating myself as much as possible. Sure I read books and went to prenatal classes (mind you they were recommended FROM my doctor and were very HOSPITAL/Doctor based). I found as a new mom that was new to the world of birth I WENT along with what I thought ladies do. I didn't have lots of friends that had children and midwife wasn't really even my vocabulary. I had a birth plan ~ you know, minimal interventions, skin to skin right away but I didn't plan (nor did I discuss) with my doctor what happens if you have to have a c-section. I didn't know, for example, the lack of skin to skin right away, the possible trouble with breastfeeding since we didn't get that contact right away, the fact that I could actually say NO or ask questions. I didn't know about my alternatives to interventions and I just blindly trusted in my doctor. This might start to sound like I really dislike my doctors ~ I appreciate their expertise and all the goods things they do BUT I really dislike how you get whatever doctor is on call (didn't know this until I went into labour ~ did I assume my doctor would be there ~ um yes I did ~ did she mention it was whomever was on call at the hospital ~ um no she didn't). I also really dislike that fact that the doctor I ended up getting seemed to completely lack appreciation for a women's body and no not everyone will birth in a set number of hours.
I am a slow labourer ~ that doesn't mean once I hit 8 hours that you should do everything in the book to "speed" things along ~ some women are in labour for days for heaven's sake! He completely seemed to miss that fact that natural birth is important to some and nope I don't want to take the quick route ~ I want to let my body do what it has to do to birth my baby. If mama ain't stressing and baby ain't stressing then why not just let it happen? Ok enough with the rant sorry:) I think you get my point. I do want to mention that the surgeon who I had was very good ~ great bedside manner and as I woman I feel like she and I connected. The surgery team was also amazing ~ the had some Jack Johnson playing in the background and one of the anesthesiologist took pictures because Paul was busy comforting me. I remember he even dabbed away my tears and we had a good laugh. Then while I was in recovery an older lady nurse came and sat with me. We talked about her granbabies and I told her how excited I was to meet Marley. She did freeze test after freeze test as we both were excited for me to go see Marley. Though it was not in my plan to have a c-section, the experience with the team was very positive and I could tell they were passionate about their jobs. They tried their best to make it as peaceful and positive as it could be for mom, dad and baby. Thank you to them<3
After my c-section with Marley I went thru a number of emotions from sadness to guilt to depression. My family doctor (who happens to be the doctor on call's spouse) sort of blew off my inquires into the "why" of my experience. Marley wasn't born with any head shaping, Marley wasn't stressing until the time right before he demanded c-section after doing numerous interventions like pitocin (didn't know use of this could increase chance for c-section and wasn't told). I felt very unsatisfied with the responses I was given and simply felt deep down that it didn't have to be the way it was. At one point, when I just found out I was pregnant again (Marley was 9 months old) I told my doctor and her first statement/question was "well should we go ahead and book another c-section". I quickly felt my hairs stand up on my neck and told her no I want to try for a natural birth without all the interventions that her husband did as I truly believe they are the reason the outcome was the way it was. I told her I would be getting a midwife because I needed to work with someone who had the same values as I do surrounding natural birth and we just weren't on the same page. She was neutral about that but I think she understood my position (as I am sure not the first one to leave her care and go for a midwife).
I lucked out and got on with the best midwife in the area (and my bets are that she is the best province if not country wide). My midwife heard my story and how important it was for me to try for a VBAC. One of the first things I had to do was meet with the top women's doctor in our area and have him review my file to let her and I know if it is a go-ahead. I still remember sitting in his office discussing Marley's birth and reasons for switching to a midwife for this one. He looked me square in the eyes and outright apologized for the experience I had with Marley and my c-section. He said that impatience on part of the doctor was obvious and more time should have been given to let nature run it's course. There was no evidence the Marley needed to be pulled out immediately except for some heart rate changes that are common when you get to those stages of labour. I left his office completely in bliss. I re-trusted my body and my gut. Needless to say my second birth was slow moving and a difficult one.
Almost a full day before Jonah finally arrived vaginally. It wasn't an easy labour and there were moments when I thought we would have a repeat c-section but my midwife was so supportive and we were going to do everything in our power to make my VBAC a success and if it didn't turn out that way I knew that I had tried and I had been a DRIVER instead of a passenger on this journey.
Will I try again? Yes I hope to have one more baby some time in the future and the moment I get pregnant I will be calling my midwife and asking for her guidance once more. She was my rock. The amount of support, guidance, knowledge and caring she provides is astounding. She is truly a master of midwifery.
Now~about dealing with a c-section~I want to talk about how to deal emotionally and physically. Let's start off with emotionally(and this is from my own personal experience ~ everyone is so different) I think if it is a MEDICAL necessity then thank goodness baby is here safe and sound. When it isn't medically necessary or/due to over-intervention like mine, this is what I experienced:
1. I felt sadness for "missing out" on a natural ~ the skin to skin right away after birth, breastfeeding right away, that initial bond. Now it could be different in your area and this is something you will want to find out before giving birth just to be aware but in my hospital at the time of my daughter's birth it happens like this: go to O.R. (accompanied by birth supporter~for me, my husband), get prepped/epidural/spinal, baby out, baby over to scale and wrapped in blanket, baby placed on mom's chest, kiss and attempt to hold her but you are frozen, they take baby away (with birth supporter), put mom back together, go to recovery and unfreeze (took me almost 2 hours), then go up to see baby and finally HOLD YOUR BABY! I know practice is/has changed a bit now that we have a new facility but I still think skin to skin right after surgery and while getting stitched up is hard to come by.
2. I felt like my body had let me down initially before I became aware of what happened and the "why".
3. Had seven weeks of difficult breastfeeding ~ I stuck it out but had a lot of pain and trouble. Marley breastfed until she was close to 10 months old.
4. Wished I could just be like all the other mom's that had an easier, natural birth. Was and am still envious of those ladies.
5. Worried about the trauma Marley went through due to the lack of natural birth and worried about our bond. I never had full out bonding issues but when your confidence is down regarding what you think your body should have done it does impact it a bit.
WHAT I LEARNED IN REGARDS TO HANDLING IT EMOTIONALLY:
1. Becoming informed on the "why" is empowering even if it is disappointing and didn't have to be that way.
2. Talking to other mamas that went thru similar experiences. There are a lot of them out there. Connect on social media or local groups for support.
3. Share your story and don't be ASHAMED of the way things played out. It is a learning experience and if nothing else you can help someone else become more aware of their options and alternatives.
4. It is what it is ~ hug your baby<3 Your job as a mother is the most important job you will ever have<3
Next, physically the recovery can be lengthy and probably is a little different for everyone. For me it did take about 6 weeks to get close to back to myself physically. During those 6 weeks I spent a lot of time at home with Marley just getting to know her and breastfeeding. She took her time eating so we spent a lot of time sitting around nursing:) My scar healed quite well but on the right side it sort of dipped in (this is apparently where the surgeon tied the knot of the inside stitches). I was worried about the bump and scar tissue so I luckily connected with a friend that had a similar situation and she directed me to a physiotherapist that specializes in scar therapy (works out the scar to make the tissues flush and smooth like they start out). Here are some other tricks for dealing with the scar:
1. (Can do this as early as 6 weeks IF your scar has healed and it doesn't hurt/not tender) Buy some great organic pure CASTOR OIL. Smooth it onto the scar and around the scar. Place a piece of saran wrap (plastic wrap) over that area that has the castor oil. It just clings right on:) Take a hot water bag or even a very hot wash cloth and place ON TOP of plastic wrap. Let it sit and heat up for 10-15 minutes. Pull off the heat source. MASSAGE on top of the plastic wrap all around the scar. This helps the tissue become smooth (compared to the harder scar tissue that is criss crossed when heals). Do this a few times a week. I did this a few times a week for about 6 weeks while I was seeing my scar therapy physio therapist and getting treatments. This is what she recommended I do as I was getting treatments to help the process along.
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| This is the awesome castor oil I purchased ~ from Nature's Fare Market in Vernon, BC ~ I am sure you can find it at any health food or natural product store. |
2. C-Panty: I found that underwear sits right around the scar and boy is it uncomfortable. I did some research and went to Baby & Me in Kelowna, BC where I purchased a couple pairs of C-Panty. You can find this awesome store on Facebook
here. The C-Panty was great because it has a soft piece of material that covers the scar and helps with the healing! You can find more information about this product
here. And it helped me a lot ~ the actual product is a little pricey but completely worth it!
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| I didn't get the high waisted ones ~ I got the regular, classic fit but it does give you an idea:) |
3. Find a physio therapist in your area that specializes in SCAR THERAPY. Having this wonderful woman help me recover was truly a blessing. Everything is connected so if your scar doesn't heal properly it can actually impact so many other things ~ not just your core and abdominals but a variety of other parts ~ impacting mobility, impacting how you feel in general. If you happen to live in the Okanagan, British Columbia Canada ~ contact me through the page and I can pass on this physio's name. Again, make sure you go to someone who SPECIALIZES in scar therapy to get the most beneficial treatment for your c-section.
In closing, I can not stress enough how important it is to get informed. No matter how baby arrives, be the DRIVER in your birth and know your wishes and stick to them. Don't let others intimidate you and make you feel unsure about your wishes. If c-section is not medically necessary, try to avoid it. Be informed of how interventions can have an impact. Power is not ignorance. Power is in knowledge and no matter what your personal wishes are and how they differ from mine empower yourself with knowledge. This is the most amazing and life-changing experience of your life and you NEED, you MUST take control and not let someone else DRIVE. Ask questions, get second opinions and I highly recommend working with a midwife or at least a doula. The amount of care and time spent is completely 180 degrees from a doctor. A midwife only has so many patients so they CAN invest that time that a busy doctor can't. Find someone who has similar values regarding birth as you do ~ whatever those values are. If you don't know what your values are and what is important to you ~ join groups on Facebook, do research, read books, talk to moms who have a wide variety of birth stories. Figure it out before the time comes to deliver baby instead of regretting how you let things happen. Drive. I wish every mom to be out there the absolute best birth experience. It truly is a beautiful miracle no matter how it comes to fruition. The power is in your hands! Sending love and positive thoughts to you and your baby!
P.S. A book I ABSOLUTELY fell in love with while planning for my VBAC is
Ina May Gaskin Guide to Natural Childbirth. Read it! You can find her site
here with information on her book.
